By My Side

By My Side

As I sit and ponder life

Being a mother, a daughter, a wife

It has not been an easy ride

But I had you by my side.

Through screaming fits of jealous rage,

Poor decisions I have made,

Blurry nights of alcohol and tears

You have been here all these years.

You held me up when I was weak,

You made me strong when I felt meek.

You walked me through the fire and flame

I came out clean and not the same.

Thanks to you my soul is saved

The path to heaven you have paved.

Although it wasn’t an easy ride

You never once left my side.

My Daddy

My Daddy

As far back as I can see,

You were always there with me.

A tiny ghost on your lap did sit,

Even if she threw a fit.

An old Ford truck on a cold dirt road

Me wrapped in a blanket protected from the cold.

Flooded woods you waded through

And again I was there with you.

Cleaning deer and wrapping meat

Those times with you just can’t be beat.

Tending gardens, feeding hogs,

Listening to those old wild dogs.

Sitting in our old deer stand

Freezing toes and freezing hands.

A shot rings out and frightens me

Then I hear, “Hey…Don’t shoot me.”

Through mud and muck and deer and corn

We’ve always lived within “The Horn”.

You are my hero and I’m proud to say,

“I love you Daddy.” Each and every day.

You ARE my hero. Through thick and thin, you were always there for me. Whether you agreed with my decisions or not. Thank you for everything.

A chip off the ol' block "Leaves"

My son seems to have inherited my poetic gift. This is his first piece of work. It is amazing for a 15 year old boy. Enjoy!!

Leaves

The heat is gone and I wait for the cold,

The wonders of fall begin to unfold.

The leaves change colors

The fields cool wind covers

What wonders lie untold?

The leaves have dropped to the ground,

They snap and crunch all around

Although a cool breeze blows soft

The leaves float aloft

And disorder, yet glory, abound.

The leaves in the trees that have not descended

Won’t listen to reason, although recommended,

An autumn wind blew

Then the leaves, they flew

In the air they float, seemingly suspended.

Such splendor cannot be submerged in sorrow

So feel joy and submit to the days of morrow

Take true to your heart

The landscape of art

The soul of which is hallowed.

Triston Stutts

10/28/2010

My Honey

Two glasses on a table sit,
One candle softly lit.
A glance, a smile, a loving sigh
Two joined as one until they die.

Nine years their love has grown.
More in love than they could have known.
Kids, jobs, bills, the rest
They have overcome, they have passed the test.

So to you my heart I give,
It is yours for as long as I live.
Protect it, nurture it, hold it tight...
And I will love you will all my might.

Love you honey.

Randy and I will have been married for 9 years in January...and believe me, it shocks me too. I never thought he could have handled me this long. Im a handfull....to put it nicely. He is a good guy to put up with my crap this long and STILL love me.

Happy Halloween.

Carved faces with sickly grins,
Hello children, come on in.
A night of screams, a night of dreams
All is never what it seams.
Candy bags heavy, weigh them down.
Ghouls and witches race through town.
Predators lurk, be careful little trolls...
Monsters may be hiding behind candy bowls.
Stay on the sidewalk, no running away...
and you may live to see the next day.
No short cuts through alleys, through parks, through wood,
Listen my children and do what you should!
Stay safe, stay warm...you too my teen!
And remember to have a safe Halloween.

What is it?

Once upon a moonlit night,
I was awakened with a fright.
A noise was heard beyond my door,
A raven knocking...Nevermore?

I stumble around full of fear,
What is this sound that I hear?
A ghoul, a burgler, a fool, a sprite?
It is my dog, to my delight.

biological

Foul, disgusting, beast!
You think of yourself alone!
You could call them at least,
you wont even pick up the phone!

You make me feel sick,
your thought turns my gut.
You think your so slick,
Your nothing more than a slut.

stolen dreams

Innocence stole by lies

You took my innocence
you crushed my dreams
i believed your nonsense
i suffered your screams

A waste of a soul
A man only by gender
To see you suffer is my goal
Time the only mender.

Lies

You lied to me
played with my heart
Left me alone
to my own thoughts
Your no different.

Anger

Deep within my being
there is a spark
a flame ignites
traveling my veins
mingling with my blood
pumping through my soul
faster and faster
I look to the sky and scream
it is the sound of my anger
exploding from within
released and searching
searching for revenge
revenge against the wrongs
wrongs that WILL be made right
I have become my nightmare
Unchained rage cripples me
I have lost control
i have become my fear.

Safety Zone

I stand alone

Heart of stone

Fate unknown

Within my safety zone.

Turning Point

I was once told by a friend,
"Leave him, it will be better in the end."

But I chose to stay, to "work things out".
This is what happened...a true account.

Screaming, punching, broken glass flies.
You stood in my face, you told me lies.

Who made you God? What gives you the right?
No, I will not walk away, Im ready to fight.

My body on fire, my senses peak...
Im stronger than you thought? YOUR just weak!

A waste of oxygen, lower than shit.
All I see is darkness as I begin to hit,

My mind races through shadows, what do I search for?
My fuel to fight...I dont love you anymore.

My blood runs cold, i no longer hear whats said,
All I want is one thing...you dead.

All goes black, my rage takes hold...
you never knew this was in me...that I could be so cold.

My beast awakened I no longer feel pain.
This is the end, you wont hurt me again.

Something snaps, I open my eyes wide,
the look on your face...like you wish you could hide.

Your feet off the floor,  my hands around your neck..
the fridge is broken, the front doors on the deck.

Who caused all this damage? What happened in the dark?
My sanity returning as a tiny little spark.

Your eyes full of fear, YOUR afraid of ME?!
i release your neck and this is what I see.

A coward of a man, a wife beating dick.
How could I have loved you? The thought makes me sick.

Two weeks without food, two weeks all alone,
you left me caged, without even a phone.

You left and partied, slept with another.
All I had to eat were Doritoes from my brother.

Now you realize a little to late,
rot in prison, it is your fate.

Being beaten by thugs? Abused by a man?
Ill squeeze out a tear if I think I can.




This is a true account of a fight that me and my first husband had...it was the first time I blacked out from anger. I lost it. The fridge, which I apparently hit, was cratered on the inside but the outside wasnt scratched...weird. The front door was taken off the hinges by me throwing him through it. I did have him off the floor by the neck and I would have killed him, had I not snapped and seen the look in his eyes....pure fear. I left a few months later. One more round of abuse that left me with permanent scars on my neck and a bruise the size of a grapefruit on my face where he tried to bite my cheek off.  He is a coward and a fool. He deserves any punishment that comes his way. I sit back, all the while, so glad I left when I did. Laughing at his fate....

Untitled

In the realm of smoke and mist,
a maiden searches for true loves kiss.

From lips of a fairy, soft as a breeze,
she falls in love beneath the trees.

His eyes emerald green, his hair like the night.
His gaze made her innocent soul take flight.

They lay together beside blue crystal streams
and talked about their hopes and reams.

His to be mortal, hers to be his
neither happy with what is.

To cross the veil she'd have to lose her life,
the thought of this filled her with strife.

All her family would be gone.
If this didnt work, she'd be all alone.

She would give it all up to be with her prince.
Nothing mattered and nothing made sense.

She made the choice with a moment to spare.
She couldnt lose him, she wouldnt dare.

Together forever, forever as one.
Their journey together has now begun.

Caged Child

In my mind, there is a cage. This cage is composed of 2" stainless steel bars. It is 3' long and 3' wide. It is a small cage.  The door has a double locking mechanism. Around the cage is a stainless steel chain, woven in and out of the bars. The chain is secured by three locks. Within this cage sits a little girl. She has pale blond hair, put up in pigtails. She is wearing a white sundress and little white sandals. Her tiny knees have scrapes on them. She has eyes the color of a cloudless sky. Her face is dirty and tear stained. She is sitting with her knees up, hugging them. She is alone...tiny, scared, caged and alone.
 There is another figure, dancing around, taunting the little girl. It is the figure of an adult. Her hair is darker blond, and she wears a mask. The mask is a constant smile. Her eyes are vacant blue disks. Her smile a fake showing of teeth. Her eyes tell the truth. This figure is a shell, emotionless and robbing the child of her freedom. She has condemned this child to live chained and hidden. She holds the keys to the cage and dances around in a never ending dance.
 The little girl hangs her head and sobs. Will she ever find someone to free her from her cage? Will she be condemned to live as this caged soul for eternity?

Finally

This is a dialogue between a girl and a guy. First statement is hers, his follows.

"Give you my heart? What if you hurt me?"
  "Give me your heart, you will see."

"Trust you and everything will be alright?"
  "Trust me! Stop putting up a fight."

"How can i do it? How can I trust?"
  "Trust me, my dear, trust me....you must."

"How I long to be free, for you to be the one."
  "In my universe, you are the sun."

"Will you love me and hold me, protect me from fear?"
  "That and more, forever my dear."

"Then take this withered heart and replenish my soul."
  "To see you smiling and happy was always my goal."

"Hold me close, protect me and love me I ask."
  "With you this will be an easy task."

"Then I am yours, every piece, every hair."
  "Then trust me, love me, for you I do care."

"You were sent to me for a reason, of which i have no clue."
  " You were sent to me as I was sent to you."

"You complete me, you fill me, happiness will be mine"
  "I told you I love you, everything will be fine."

"It will , my beloved, the process is complete."
  "Then hold these words until we next meet."

"What words do you speak of? Explain what you say."
  "I will make you happy every single day."

"To please you, make you happy...for this I live."
  "Then to you, beautiful, my heart I give."

The Sacrifice

The Sacrifice











As I stood on the balcony overlooking the lake I could smell fall in the air. The breeze was cool and dry with the smell of burning leaves and cinnamon. It had been a year since my beloved had passed on. We were destined to be together, or so I thought.
  We met, as a lot of people do, by chance. I was researching an Egyptian project for a class I was taking and he was trying to find information about a dig going on at the base of the Sphinx. There was instant chemistry. It was like we had always known each other. The conversations were never awkward or lacking. We spent the first few months laughing and talking into the early morning hours, about anything and everything. He had been hurt, as had I, and we felt each others pain. It was so easy to connect with him. Naturally, we felt the need to move in together, so we did. Everything was so perfect. He would wake early and bring me my breakfast, a cup of coffee, along with a different type of flower every week. He would explain what type of flower it was and explain how its beauty could never compete with mine. Like I said, perfect. We had long walks through the forest, lounged in the boat on the lake, spent hours worshiping each other, we had the relationship ever woman hopes and dreams of. Until, I received a phone call one morning informing me that the person I was living with wasn’t who I thought he was. The caller went on to claim that the man, whom I loved with all of my being, didn't exist.
   I tried to wrap my brain around what I was hearing. I felt nauseous, confused, angry, and I wanted to know who this caller was and why they were trying to ruin the best thing that had ever happened to me. Before I could ask, the phone went dead. I looked at the phone as if I could see who had been on the other side and then threw it across the room. There was no way in hell I was going to believe what this person had just told me. The man I had been living with was dead and had died in 1923. He definitely wasn’t dead, I had been intimate with this man and knew he was real. But why would someone call me and tell me these lies? It had to be an old rival , trying to get back at him for something. I dismissed it as such and continued with my day. But that little seed of doubt played in the back of my mind, haunting me, taunting me all day.
  When he finally arrived back home I decided to tell him about this call and knew he would get such a laugh out of the nonsense, just as I had. Except he didn’t laugh. He stared at me with the saddest eyes I have ever seen. Eyes full of pain, looking at me, into me, staring through me. I was instantly afraid. I had never seen this before from the man that I loved, the perfect guy, the guy who said all the right things, did all the right things, and would never hurt me. I wondered why this call had sparked such pain in him. When I was able to talk I asked him. “Why do you look at me as though you are saying good-bye?” His reply was, “because, with the knowledge of who I am, it will be good-bye” The wind was knocked out of me, my blood ran cold. Why did he feel this was good-bye? We could work through anything. I was the woman who loved him more than life, who would never leave his side.
  He turned his back to me and walked into the bedroom. I stood motionless, frozen with fright, unable to move a muscle for fear of losing him. The man I loved, the man I trusted completely, who was he? He returned with a small box and placed it on the table. This, he explained, was the answer to who he really was. A box? I was so confused and hurt, my mind was racing out of control. I felt like I was going to faint, or vomit or both. He asked me to open the box and told me I would understand.
  I reached for the box with trembling hands, unsure what I was about to find, scared to look inside. What was in this box? I picked up the box and removed the lid. Inside were yellowing papers, old discolored pictures and a locket. I picked up the locket and looked inside. There I saw a small picture, faded with age, of a man and young woman cheek to cheek, smiling. The man was the same one I was standing before. I dropped the locket and started looking at the pictures. Most were pictures of him and the same lady in the locket. A few were of children and they looked like they were asleep. I was confused by all of this as you can imagine. I decided that the answer must lie within the paperwork. I started pulling paperwork out of the box. It was old and yellowed and very fragile. The first was a death record of a child, as was the second. Twins? What had happened to these children at such a young age? The next was some sort of contract. I looked puzzled and he begged me to read on. Written on this contract in horribly scrawled handwriting was my answer.
  The man I loved had given his soul for the lady in the lockets life. The children had died of Spanish influenza, the pictures were their death photos, and his wife had been at deaths door. In a fever induced fit of hopelessness he had promised to give his soul, his body, anything he had if his wife would just live. His screams had been answered immediately. A stranger in an old black hat knocked on his door and offered him his desires. The condition was that he sign away his soul and body to be used however the stranger saw fit. In his desperation he had agreed, not knowing exactly what he was doing. He had been cursed to walk the earth, alone, the puppet of the stranger, until he tired of playing with him. He explained to me that he thought when we met that somehow the curse had been lifted. He had been happy, in love, something he hadn’t been able to feel in years.
  I was speechless. My life as I had come to know it had been turned upside down and inside out. I couldn't believe what I had heard. I broke down in tears and slid to the floor. Someone please wake me. I had to be dreaming. He knelt beside me and explained that the call had to be from the stranger that had gave him the deal. He had grown bored with my beloved being alone and decided to toy with him a little before releasing him from this existence. I looked up through tear filled eyes to see my beloveds face wither before my eyes. His beautiful brown hair turned white, his gorgeous green eyes sunk into his head, and his once fit body shrunk within his clothes and became frail. He looked at me through blood shot eyes and whispered, “at least I got to know love again before I died. Thank you.” As I sat and stared at him I started to notice fine beams of blue light start to radiate from his paper-like skin. He stood on wobbly legs and started to smile. He looked down at me and said, “ The curse has been lifted, My soul is free. I will stand in wait for you, my love...until the end of eternity.” I sat and watched the small blue beams of light became larger and more numerous until he was just a shower of blue sparks. And then he was gone.
  I started investigating the lady in the locket a few weeks later and was sickened to learn that just a few years after being saved by my beloveds sacrifice, she had been murdered in the street and the killer was never found. There were reports that people had seen a stranger walking around that day. A tall man, wearing an old black hat, a dark trench coat, and wearing a look upon his face of joyful death. So here I stand, with my morning cup, the pain as raw as it was a year ago, looking at the lake. What is that, there, laying on the handrail? A tiger lily? It can't be. With a note attached....”until the ends of eternity, my love”. Yes, my beloved, until the ends of eternity.

La Petite Mort

Warmth Spreading
breaths quicken
electricity circulating
heart racing
pulsating waves
muscles contracting
heat consumes being
breathing becomes gasps
electricity engulfs body
heartbeat becomes erratic
all muscles seize
all senses reach out
all nerve endings fire
shock waves spread through body
deep moans escape your mouth
animalistic instinct takes you over
Massive explosion from deep within 
Peace
contentment
exhaustion
happiness
La Petite Mort

Bring Me the Sunset

Inspired by a prompt to use "Bring me the sunset in a cup" within a piece of work. This is what i came up with.


You asked what I wanted
and i looked up.
"Bring me the sunset in a cup."

This task is impossible!
Your too hard to please!
If you think thats hard, I want the view from Belize.

You walked away mad
and I stayed and cried.
You asked what I wanted I told you a lie.

All i wanted was love,
your heart in my hand.
But you walked away, and here I stand.

All alone in the world.
Right back at the start
with no one to fill my broken, empty heart.

Dont do it

From out of the darkness I see a light.
A tiny beam of hope ignites.

I raise my head from within the gloom
I will be free from darkness soon.

The grasp it had will soon be gone,
my time has come to journey home.

Voices echo within my head.
I thought I was...but I'm not dead.

I slowly wake and see my fate.
Tubes and machines, its not to late.

I had some drinks and chose to drive.
Now five are dead and I'm alive.

I thought my life had just begun,
now I must live with what I've done.

I lie

In the darkness of the night, I lie
alone and troubled, tortured in my soul.
my spirit chained, unable to fly.
I am weak and broken by your love.

Unable to touch, to hold, to kiss,
desire that is forbidden and unspeakable.
Never to look upon each other,
frozen in a state of denial, I lie.

Hear Me

i am surrounded by the night
dark and forboding, crushing me,
tempting me to run, to break away
Every whisper is a scream,
pounding in my brain
Every star is a pin point of pain
scattered across the sky,
shining reminders of the past.
Howls of wolves scream their rage,
sending shivers through my spine.
An overwhelming urge to scream cripples me.
i cry out into the night,
yet no one hears my screams.
My chest pounds, I break into a cold sweat,
I run like a madman, no direction,
no purpose except escape.
Hear me! Help me!
I stumble and fall,
down into darkness, down into the quiet,
down into sweet methodical madness.

Souls Intertwined

SOULS INTERTWINED







IN MY MINDS EYE I SEE


A PAIR OF BODIES, COMPOSED


OF SMOKE AND MIST, INTERTWINED


ONE FORM, SOULS COMBINED


FREE OF THE CHAINS OF REALITY


ARMS HOLD AND HANDS CARESS


COMPLETE AND UTTER SURRENDER, NO GUILT


PULSATING AND UNABLE TO BE DEFINED


IMPOSSIBLE TO CONTAIN


INNER BEASTS RELEASED


A GENTLE BREEZE WHISPERS SATISFACTION


TWO SOULS FLOAT AS ONE


FOREVER JOINED, FOREVER IN LOVE


FOREVER AT PEACE


TWO SOULS INTERTWINED.

No More

No More




You used and abandoned

hurt and betrayed

tortured and abused

the one who remained



Her heart she gave

her body she surrendered

her head held low

consumed in shame



No one to turn to

confide in, explain

Trapped in a cage

of a madman’s rage



Desperate for escape

beaten down and contained

within a broken body

and an unrecognizable face



Empowered by rage

she will break away

she will find escape

down the barrel of a 12 gauge



your hurt has been erased

your pain she has contained

never will you hurt again

By her own hands she was saved.





08/28/10